Suicide is Painless !

Suicide is painless but not for the victims and survivors left behind !
I sat in a room a few years ago with a man crying and very distraught as he had heard that the man who had sexually abused him as a child had taken his own life the day before he was due in court to face the charges that had finally been brought against him after a campaign for years to see justice. It seemed to him that it was his last act of abuse taking away any control he could have over the situation.... I tried to console him saying that the most important thing was that he was no longer around to perpetrate any further crimes but I completely understood as I had been angry for a year when the main perpatrator of the abuse against me as a child had died and I had yet to make a police report at that point. The wave of sympathy being stoked up and allegations of mishandling of allegations are ignoring the victims and survivors. Several woman made allegations against Carl Sargeant and the latest suicide of a "Labour HQ staffer" must be assumed that the "porn" found on his computor was not run of the mill but forensic evidence of a crime. The families of these men will of course be upset but so would they have been knowing that their relatives were rapists or child abusers. We cannot forgive and forget as it is the victims and survivors who suffer most with a life long sentence and those who take in this case the cowards way out who have "The pains that are withheld for me"

Survivors must not allow these actions to again increase the victim blaming or further shame but continue to demand justice
"A brave man once requested me To answer questions that are key"

Vampire myth !

Most people who were sexually abused as children do not go on to sexually abuse children !

Most people who sexually abuse children were not sexually abused as children !

No evidence, research, data or statistics is ever provided to support the idea that most or all people who were sexually abused as children go on to sexually abuse children. When survivors challenge the "vampire syndrome"  myth (once bitten by a vampire, you become a vampire - once abused, you become an abuser) we are asked to disprove it. As with all forms of bigotry the advocates of this lie are irrational and cannot intellectual justify their argument but instead promote fear and rely on victim blaming. This background has justified the failure to provide support and services for survivors, especially men, who are seen as more likely to abuse. We must say no to this hatred and demand proof for this commonly held falsehood, as there is none, and challenge its misconception.

Whenever scant data is put together it bundles all types of abuse together including neglect as well as physical and emotional abuse. For us there is a world of difference between, a neglected child who un-socialised or nurtured commits crimes as an adult which may include abuse, and adult survivors of child sexual abuse who are often struggling to cope with CPTSD and other mental health issues and in the face of a lack of help or services to support them can use drugs or alcohol and other addictions as a survival strategy.

Of course some people do go on to abuse but it is our belief that it is less than the general population and that being abused acts as a disincentive. It is true that some children copy normalised behaviour but this is often part of an abusive scenario. For most survivors we live in the shadow of suspicion and sometimes fear that we may undergo some transformation that will cause us to offend as we know it is not in our character but we are constantly told it is true. This creates a additional barrier to us breaking the silence and moving forward with our recovery. It is often only when we start to meet other survivors who have the same feelings that we realise we have been lied to, that is not who we are.

The METOO, MENTOO publicity gives us the opportunity to lay this lie were it belongs in the grave along with the fake vampires it replicates as fiction. 








12,985 visits to this website !
This is the number of men who have contacted this page. There are not enough services being provided to meet the needs of men looking for help. Therapy can take a year to access and is then limited to a few short months ! The NHS doesn't limit treatment for cancer or other serious illnesses by time but until people are well. We need the same for survivors.We need peer support groups supported by public funds and for the NHS to provide therapy to all who need it indefinitely. Unfortunately we are a long way from this. The attention refocused on the abuse of young men and boys through the football disclosures is an opportunity to campaign for survivors right to services. The IICSA needs to speed up recommendations, yes continue with the enquiry but mandatory reporting needs to be introduced now !

1 in 4 men are sexually abused or raped before they become adults,

90% + by family members !

Contact us at malsurlon@gmail.com

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